Despite everything that has happened, all these crazy stories and wonderful adventures, it's still not enough. Oh I wish that it could be, that things could be different, but this wishing -- this yearning -- seems not to be enough. I really don't know what to do from here. Maybe this is a typical phase for 20-somethings these days. Or, maybe I'm out there and off my rocker. Honestly, I just don't know and don't really think I can.
From the Inside Out
Why was it refreshing to walk into Ray's Apple Market just now? What is it about that place that totally calmed me? It's been a long time since I've gone there. I stopped going because it started to fell hopeless, and my world closed down with repeatedly going there. Now though, it feels one of the only real places and the energy it carries completely calmed the storm inside. Was it that to this is a place that service those most in need? I also started to feel a similar kind of peace with going to the assist with the Habitat for Humanity. Maybe these troubled times call for more service, or for us to re-examine those places we give our energies to, such as large scale and largely impersonal businesses. Does this explain why Vintage would experience such an increase in people over the last six months?
Symbols of a Life:
Ring around the moon
Many of the deeply profound mystical experience I have are paired with music in some way.
1) Deeply powerful memory of listening to Evangelion music at the Magic/Anime convention when I was probably 13 or so.
2) Sense of bliss in high school band, while playing the Planets by Gustav Holst.
(It’s interesting to note this experience and my interest in astronomy, astrology and the sky-based phenomena)
3) Profound joy experienced in 2006 while driving home from Lynn’s place and listening to MercyMe.
4) Profound joy sparked after listening to the Lost Prophets in Aimee’s Coffeehouse in Lawrence during summer of 2008.
I feel more lost and confused than ever. I'm sending this message because I need help and don't know how to ask.